Tactics To Use When You Feel Like You Are About To Commit Suicide

I like to call these shots “macro-mindful photography.” I love the ability to use the different lenses on my iPhone, and the macro quality is phenomenal. Sometimes the most undramatic elements of nature, viewed closely, become a fascinating new universe of life and beauty.

A mindful intervention for spiritual crisis.

I thought of this blog idea the day after being up in the middle of the night, searching for topics about suicide. I just went through a really down spell. Again. 

Friend, if you are having powerful suicidal ideations right now at this moment, I want you to know that I truly know how you feel. I have experienced hard-core protracted bouts of depression. When I’m down deep in that hole, the black thoughts are painting the complete mental picture of my life. I get it. You’re trapped. Hopeless. Dependent. Broken-hearted. Victimized. Alone.

But that's not true.

Buckle your seat belt. I'm going to pronounce some things that might be a little shocking to you. If the following does not apply to you, good luck and God bless.

You. The one reading this. It isn’t a mistake that you landed here. I’m here to help you. Promise. I have been through many profoundly dark places emotionally. My high sensitivity yields beautiful things and a colorful personality, but the depths of my feelings can easily send me to dark places. 

You are not a victim. There is power inside you to walk through this. Hang with me through these simple practices and I promise you’ll have a psychic shift that’s going to get you off the crazy train of self-harm. 

The Spirit of Suicide

I have concluded this through a lifetime of seeking relationship with God, combined with a lifetime of experiencing extreme ups and downs: If your mind and your thoughts are telling you to make a plan and end your life right now, you are currently being inhabited by a spirit of suicide. 

Half measures will avail you nothing. Right here, right now, I am going to guide you out of the seemingly locked door you are presently standing behind. 

A spirit, you say? Yikes! That’s too intense for me. 

Get this: that pesky voice inside you is like a little gnat compared to the Almighty Power we are about to tap into. But, you will be the one responsible for using your own copy of the key to the prison to let yourself out. “Please, Joe!” you might be saying, “please give me the key!” No need for that—the key is right in your pocket. Only a radical willingness will empower you to move your muscles, pull it out, and use it to unlock the door. 

Besides, what have you got to lose? 

Seriously. You are contemplating something you can’t return from. Ball up your fists and let’s kick some ass. The spirit of depression doesn’t stand a chance. Heck, you might even have a major awakening, the scale of which will change your whole life’s trajectory. That’s what happened to me. 

Needless to say, I’m a real dude. 

I’m Joe in Glenwood Springs, Colorado. I am not AI. I am a real soul like you, speaking from my life’s experience. Over my dead body will you see ads next to this blog. I’m sure you saw plenty of those on your way here.

Oops! I said “dead” in an article about suicide. Trigger warning!

‘Trigger warning?” Are you serious?

Notice how many of the suicide articles out there have giant “trigger warnings” up top. Talk about the lawyers controlling the show. Some of the same articles have pharmaceutical ads and treatment center promos in the margins. Dear God save us. 

People like us don't need trigger warnings. We know our triggers fully well. In fact, sometimes it seems like life is one damned trigger after another. (Didn’t Churchill say that?)

So again, brother or sister reading these words right now, I know exactly how you feel and I know the feeling of being so hopeless and discouraged that I want to end my life. I would be deceptive if I told you that back in two-thousand-whatever I was miraculously cured and that I don't have suicidal thoughts anymore. Nope. In fact, I just went through a really bad depressive episode and the same old noisy hooligans started coming out of the closet. Again. 

Yep, you are in a spiritual battle for your life right now. Let’s not sugar coat it. I promise I will be honest and only suggest things that I myself have done and that have worked for me to find the freedom you have given up on. Be with me and focus on the words you are reading right now. 

Hand on your heart, three belly breaths.

So, here we go. I’m asking for your trust. Here is the way out:

Right now. Get to a place where you can safely lie, sit or lean, and either close your eyes or blur your gaze. Gently place your hand on your heart, and take a few belly breaths. Pooch that big belly out there! No one is looking. Suck some oxygen deep inside those big beautiful lungs. Simply feel your various body sensations without commentary. Feeling pressure in your scrunched face? Noticing tightness in the front of your chest? Let the thoughts rage. Just notice body sensations. Get curious. Don’t try to change anything. Feel your heartbeat under your right palm. Come back to the breath. Do it again. And again. 

Feel that? That’s the feeling of sinking into your body. Your mind sucks right now. It’s a bad neighborhood. Don’t linger there. Screw what your mind is telling you. 

Again, stick that belly out there and expand your lungs to full capacity. There ya go. One last time. Good. 

Call 988 (been there, done that)

If you found this article after searching for anything using the word "suicide,” you saw the giant notice at the top of the Google results page that say Call 988. Wow. Thank God for the souls at 988. 

Remember me telling you I recently went through a doozie? I sunk so low the other night that I called 988. Well, I’m here at this moment, clickety-clicking out this blog so I guess it worked. Are my words helping or comforting you in any way so far? Then aren’t you glad I pushed back on those evil thoughts the other day?

I have called either 988 or our state crisis line on multiple occasions. Most of the time there was a reasonable wait time and then I got right on the phone with someone who listened. 

Look, don't expect Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung, or Rodney Dangerfield to answer your call.  But, you will be on the line with a human being who is willing to wait it out with you and let you say whatever you want to say. Spoiler alert: We are buying some time here while your insane thoughts start to calm down a wee-bit.

Sometimes I have been asked for my phone number and I've declined to give it because I knew that I did not intend on acting on my suicide, but I was just having very powerful ideations and I needed to cry it out with someone.

If you tell them you are suicidal and have a plan, they will show up at your place, publicly throw a net around you, and take you for a flight over the cuckoo’s nest. NOT! But get this: right now, that person on the phone may be slightly better able to assess the situation than you. You’re a mess right now. Get humble and accept help. It may not feel like it now but you are worth it. Pretend! Act as if you are worth it and intervene on yourself. 

The “5-4-3-2-1”

One time when I called the crisis line, a patient and compassionate person on the other end of the phone guided me through the “5-4-3-2-1.” It’s downright miraculous how quickly this practice can return you to center and safety. It takes intention. Give it a try now. 

What are 5 things you can see? 

Simply allow your eyes to be attracted to something. Blink your eyes and take a mental snapshot. Do it again, blink. Do it again, blink. 

What are 4 things you can feel? 

What’s touching your skin? Feel your nose hair tickled by the breath, your tongue on your teeth, your soft dog’s fur, your face in a bucket of ice. 

What are 3 things you can hear? 

Weed eater, truck noise, clicking keyboard. Sounds intensify and fade. What sounds capture your attention? How do they feel in your body?

What are 2 things you can smell? 

Whew! Stinky armpit and stale coffee. Is that breakfast that I smell? I lost much of my sense of smell and this practice helps. How about you? 

What is 1 thing you can taste? 

Got one of those pieces of gum that makes you sneeze? Pop that into your mouth and notice the flavor. No gum? Try licking your own skin.

Watch Caddyshack or Dumb and Dumber.

Speaking of intention, a knee-slapper of a movie is another radical way to intervene. It sounds like it would be so attractive and pleasurable and one would immediately jump at the chance to watch their favorite comedy. However, we quickly notice that we are so obsessed with the negative that anything positive intervening almost feels like poison. That is how powerfully trapped we are in these moments. We are literally in a death spiral and the spirits and the identifications are scratching and clawing to pull us down. You must kick-ass and fight back.

Force yourself to watch your favorite comedy. Not a rom-com! I’m talking about those movies where every single scene is freaking hilarious. Right now, whether you do it in the bathtub, in bed, in the car, or the doghouse in the back yard, get to it. Soon you will be laughing, and that will be a divine spark that forces you to notice that there is indeed laughter and hope left inside of you. 

Out-of-control belly-laughing releases so many helpful chemicals and hormones inside of our bodies. It is God’s miraculous way of snapping our necks, injecting pleasure confined with irony into the present moment. Again, fight back! Show yourself that through nothing more than your determination, you can force yourself into a situation right now that will make you laugh.

Speaking of, here’s one for you:

“Doc, I think my wife is losing her hearing.”

“Well there’s an easy way to tell. Ask her a question from across the house, and keep moving closer until she answers you.”

Later at home, he calls from the living room to the kitchen “Honey! What’s for dinner?”

(nothing) So he moves to the kitchen doorway. “Honey! What’s for dinner?”

(still nothing) He gets right next to her and says loudly “Honey! What’s for dinner?”

His wife turns around and snaps “Damn-it!, for the third time—pork chops!!!”

Get your lips moving and pray with all of your might.

That's right. I don't care if you are a Buddhist, a new-ager, an Orthodox Jew, a Muslim, a Christian, or a ding-dong worshiper, when you are in this state of desperation, you must cry out to God.

I am absolutely certain that God wired us to pray. Any kind of concept of God or non-God that you have, you will notice that when you pray out loud as if there is a caring higher power listening to you, your own spirit will confirm that it is a natural process. It's not us just "talking to ourselves.” It is us communicating with the ultimate divine listener.

This is not the time to be prideful and bitch about the bearded man in the sky. This is time to clinch your pillow and cry buckets of tears out to any concept of God you can muster at this moment. Just cry out as if someone is listening. 

While every indicator and voice inside your head tells you there is no God or that God has abandoned you, fight back and keep moving your lips and crying out. Ask God to stoop low under the covers with you. Ask God to wrap hands around yours while they are clinched together and you are on your knees. Act opposite to your ego and your destructive patterns. Allowing your ego-spirit to break and placing yourself under the complete care of a Higher Power will save you. 

You want to die by suicide. Bad idea. Instead, die to your ego and attempts at control. Fall over backwards and let the big arms of the Spirit catch you. 

Throw on your robe and get the hell outside. 

Wallowing in your bed? Go outside. Get out from underneath the ceiling you are underneath right now. Walk outside. Do put a robe on first, ok? Inside sucks when we are depressed and dysregulated. Remember, these actions take guts. They force you to act against the self-pity horror show you are experiencing. As sick as it is, we tend to want to stay stuck in self-defeating, avoidant behavior patterns. Most likely, that’s the reason you are suffering right now.

So, get your stinky butt outside, open your arms wide, and look up at the sky. Take some of those belly-breaths. Intervene. 

Rebuke the voice telling you you are burdening people.

Do not believe that shit. That is the devil talking to you. This is not the time to play victim. People do want to help you—reach out to a friend or family member now. I don't care if it's 3 AM and you send them a text telling them you're really hurting. Take the risk. When you take that risk, you are expressing intention and self-intervention that attracts the quantum power of the universe into that moment. You are telling the spirit of suicide that you absolutely will not acquiesce.

Force yourself to write down three things that are going well in your life. 

Notice I didn't say a gratitude list. Right now, find a pen. I don't care if you write it on your hand or in your journal but physically write it down with your hand (not your phone). This will force you to go from your emotion brain to your logic brain. No matter how excruciatingly painful it is, you are going to get honest and cough up three things that are going fairly well in your life. This is super-cathartic.

Friend, if you can walk around the block, things are going well with your legs. If your stomach is not growling, you are being provided for. If you have your own Frankie the Doodle next to you right now, that is a thing in your life that is going well. That is a lifeline. If you had a conversation with another human being today, that is something that is going well in your life. Do you have a coach or therapist in your life? That's a big deal—a huge supporting factor. Do you have a program you are involved in? That is going well in your life. You do actually have a support system. Personally, when I am in the blackest depression I feel certain that my whole support system has crumbled, even though earlier in the day I was yacking about my woes with three different patient souls. This is how the spirit of suicide is so deceptive. The author of lies will speak nothing but lies. The Holy Spirit will speak nothing but truth.

Let me be a conduit for the Holy Spirit right here and now. 

God's message for you is that you are not finished with your mission. Sorry, you're not getting off this easily. You have hard work to do, and the reward will be a sense of purpose that will fuel your dreams. Your mission includes your story and your experiences. This suffering will become your greatest gift. You can experience victory as I have. 

Hey you! God created your inmost being; God knit you together in your mother's womb (Psalm 139). God has had a plan for you throughout all eternity, to prosper you and not harm you; to bring you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). You are commanded to love God and love others (Matthew 22:36-40). I know that’s the hardest thing to do when we are down. 

There is nothing like the ecstasy down deep inside when we help someone else uniquely because we had that same experience. When I am super-honest, I always attract other people who open up and tell me they had been there too. Depression is a disease of isolation and you are not alone. That is a fact. Other people have experienced and are experiencing the depths of despair that you are feeling right now. Those very people are going to need you. You are going to be their angels someday. This happens over and over with me. It's so amazing how God puts people in my path who I can help only because I went through such ungodly suffering with depression.

Put your phone on airplane mode and then do this fun mindful photography practice:

In my book, The Mindful Photography Field Guide: 15 Smartphone Photography Practices for Inner Peace, I go into the miraculous power of mindfulness that can be harnessed through the smartphone as long as we take responsibility and choose to cut ourselves off from the world of chaos and let the phone be a creative conduit to the beautiful blessing of presents.

So right now, disregard how you feel and choose to act instead as if you were a child of God with a sense of purpose who has enough self-respect to try a quick fun little mindful photography exercise. You can download a free one here.

All the while, keep checking in with your heart. Pat your heart like a mamma patting a baby’s back. You need soothing right now. You have the power to soothe yourself. Pat your heart and tell yourself out loud that it is going to be OK.

Ride the wave.

This is a deeply studied, scientifically validated practice that I first learned about in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy or DBT. In a matter of seconds, I’ll show how to demonstrate to yourself that you can ride the wave of emotional turmoil, no matter how intense it is. 

Ready? Please, indulge me: Say the words "I’m ready, Joe!" Set the phone down, place your hand on your heart, and take three slow breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth.

If you only get through one breath cycle, try again until you reach three complete cycles, giving your attention to the breath the entire time. You can do this. Remember, your aim and intention to break through and put a stop to this debilitating pattern is only going to come through your intention and guts.  Let your Spirit shout to the world that it is bound and determined to get through this challenging moment.

How did it feel inside to complete something even though it was so challenging and scary? See? You have the ability to ride the waves of crappy thoughts and body sensations. The laughing hyenas can harass you from every side but you have the ability to anchor, feel the body sensations and the fear, and all the while, make the powerful intention to follow a few breath cycles, thoughts be damned. 

Bless someone

If you haven't noticed by now, I am ramping up these challenges. You are now entering the big leagues. If you are able to do this practice, I promise you down in the depths of my soul that you are on the verge of a breakthrough.

Go get a blank piece of paper. Or, if it's in your journal, make sure it is a page you can rip out. In your own handwriting, write a note of encouragement to someone who you know is suffering. Ask the Holy Spirit right now to reveal who that person is. For me, right now I am remembering a relative who is suffering from profound mental illness. It might be awkward, but I am going to write her a note of encouragement and then email a beautifully lit photo of the note to her. 

You are a spiritual being, on a mission, with tremendous power. 

You have the power to save a life. You have the power to give light. You have the power to penetrate people’s veneer through your honesty and willingness to choke up details about your struggles and get down in the dirty trenches of this filthy disease of isolation. You are fighting back against powers that are trying to force us apart, not together. 

So, how did we do? 

Feeling a little more present now? How about placing your hand on your heart once again. Check in with those body sensations. Feel the tingles. Feel the belly-gurgling. Sense the air passing back and forth past the little hairs inside your nostrils.

Fellow warrior, each time we reach out to a brother or sister who is still suffering, we demonstrate the seismic power of love. Are your emotions telling you otherwise? Flip them the bird, call Aunt Bettie, and listen to her yack about her hydrangeas. 

And watch God show up. 

Blessings,
Joe

PS:

If you found this post helpful, you'll love my book, The Mindful Photography Field Guide: 15 Smartphone Photography Practices for Inner Peace. It’s packed with practical tips and inspiring stories. Ready to dive deeper? I also offer one-on-one coaching to help you master mindfulness through photography. Reach out to me via my contact form. Let's connect and transform your journey together!